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Oprah and Gayle Give Friendship Advice. But he gives no real effort. The only sport he somewhat likes is basketball. What can I do? You are doing the right thing in getting your son reviewed. I completely understand how baffling and upsetting his behaviour feels, but there is generally something that will make the behaviour make sense. This might be an unmet need or something undiagnosed. It sounds as though he is in good hands with regular appointments with a paediatrician. I hope your appointment in a couple of weeks gives you some answers.
Thank you for your support. So far no issues. I do not see any changes yet but I know it takes time. Soon school will start and that is when I can see if it helps with his impulsive lamguage. He was allowed to continue his last yr of middle school at his regular school despite living in a different district. The principal spoke with me and said he would allow my son to continue there but the superintendant who approved this stated in his letter that this is a priviledge and if he continues with his behavior pattern in 8th grade, he will transfer my son to the school in district.
I did tell my son and hopefully this will work. Thank you again, just wanted to give an update.
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Great article. We are divorced and he lives with dad. I have spoken with dad about he and I communicating better and working on co-parenting. Dad says he encourages our son to respond. But what next? Where do I go from here even with giving him space? There are a few things that can be going on here. Your son might be in a loyalty bind, which means he feels as though showing loyalty to one parent, means being disloyal to the other. Sometimes the closer they feel, the harder they might have to push to feel that sense of independence and separation for long enough to figure out who they are and the adults they are wanting to be.
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Keep sending him the weekly messages. Not sure if this is normal as I said her grades have always been excellent from the first day she started school any advice for me?? Some kids are just naturally more introverted, which means she tends to get her energy when she is on her own. Extroverts get their energy from being around people. A great book is Quiet Power by Susan Cain. I hope that helps. Why do we insist on benchmarking and making children achieve milestones?
Worth remembering each child is an individual to be celebrated in their own unique way. Some kids, for example, will naturally not talk until much later than many other kids, and often that will be no problem at all. Sometimes though, it might be a sign that they need a little extra help. Recognising the need for extra support, and intervening early to give this support, can potentially make a huge difference to particular outcomes for a child.
I have a 11 year old daughter and she loves to spend time with her friends. She always is asking if they can come over or have a sleepover etc. She says ok mom but then calls me from school, after school to ask me again! So I have to say no over again. It gets tiring! Every time she says that she forgets.
Any advice??? My 15 year old daughter is acting out. I took her phone away and she refused to give me the password. I knew something was going on. I finally got it from her and I found all these pictures of herself in her underwear in provocative poses. I was devastated and I also found pictures of boys with no shirts on. She is taking the birth control shot and i have talked to her about sex but how do you control her when she totally disrespect herself like that. I took her phone away , She is forbidden to go with her friends right now.
She is my only daughter. I have no one to ask for advice. I want to do the right thing. Please help me! The most important thing is not to get angry at her. When our children reach adolescence, we have no control, only influence. Talk to her about the risks she is taking in relation to putting these pictures of herself on the internet. With teens, their brains are wired in such a way that they will tend to focus on the positives of a situation and downplay the negatives.
As well as this, it is often super-important that they feel as though they are part of a tribe. Let her know you understand she probably had good reasons for doing it, then ask her to talk to you about the risks. This will engage the thinking part of her brain that is able to consider consequences. It is the pre-frontal cortex and it is the last part of the brain to develop.
This will happen in early 20s, which is why in the meantime, teens can seem to be impulsive and risky. Having her talk to you about the potential consequences is one way to do this. I understand how difficult this is — of course you will have all sorts of feelings and worries running through you, but the most important thing now is to get her on side so she is open to listening to you, and less likely to be steered by friends or the need to be liked in ways that might hurt her.
Your daughter might seem angry at you, or defiant, but she loves you and needs you more than ever. The key is finding a way to make it easier for her to hear your guidance and the wisdom that will keep her safe as she moves through adolescence. Hi,just reading this for the first time. I have a 5 year old who is prone to quite emotional outbursts when told no, who still hits or pinches occasionally, and generally has a short fuse! But he is improving all the time and has developed a huge amount of self control compared to even 6 months ago.
Is this normal? He has great communication skills, is very creative and very social, is developing empathy, is very physically active.
Am I depriving my kid if I don't get him an iPhone?
He is just starting school too, and we had an incident when he hit two girls. Can you offer any things to look for that should be concerning?
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The risk is that it will make it more difficult for him socially as children become wary. Your little man will be okay. Kids develop at different times, and he will get there provided the messages about his behaviour are consistent and he is gently steered towards a healthier way of being. I can say that the article was great based on my studies. As far as my parenting experience is concerned, I have to parent for the next 20 years to appreciate the value of most part of your article.
Waiting for that time while enjoying what I have at hand now. This article is very spot on with what we have and are experiencing with or 16 year old son. The problem is that when we started seeing risky behavior we went with the listening, give advice, provide information approach.
The behaviour just got riskier, he started and continues to use and abuse us, he has constantly broken our trust and just generally makes life in or home or on any family outing or vacation a miserable nightmare. He constantly skips class or school altogether and has been found stoned in class. Aa child he was loving, respectful, kind, knew and followed the families expectations. Wjem he hears no, he instantly wants an argument, gets personally mean and goes into a destructive rage.
I could literally go on for days as i think you can tell that we ate really struggling here and life is miserable with him. Your arrival really struck a chord with me as my 10 year old son affixes constantly , remembers everything and accuses me of lying if I forget or change my mind. He has terrible temper flare ups still but less So as I have stopped reacting to them. In many ways he is like a teenager and battles with me constantly. Some of his rage may be due to the fact he has never had a father figure- his dad died when I was pregnant.
He has been to play therapy and I am myself trying counselling. Sometimes I despair as I see the years ahead and dread the teenager he will be — when he is already rebellious and often full of contempt for me. The good thing is his school reports which are glowing and he is well behaved when visiting and very popular- it is only me who is a problem! I wonder if yoh think his lack of father is the main problem and source of his anger? And how can I help?
Personally I enjoy being around kids because they remind me of my nephews and it is one of the many things that brightens my day. I have thought of even staring my own daycare center one day for the passion of taking good care of kids. It hurts me to hear people make fun of me for liking to play with kids, so please someone tell me weather or not it is normal to play with kids or not. I hope that one day you follow your passion. My daughter is 42 years old. I turn 60 this year and ask her for a visit 3 months before my birthday and I offered to pay all expenses she never said no she said she just started a new job and it should be fine.
Your email address will not be published. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. On the note of safety, phones kill parent child trust. I didn't have a phone and I never lied to my parents about where I was Ever because of my parents teaching me the value of honesty. Once my parents checked up on me; and I was where I said. They ended up embarrassing me in front of my peers and hurt my feelings because I thought they didn't trust me. When you are constantly in contact with your child it feels like your not putting faith in your child's decision making someone who is literally 2 to 3 years away from being an adult who legally never has to talk to you again.
I never understood the safety factor of phones someone abducts you is the phone going to save them are the police going to arrive on time? I I don't want my child driving out of town without informing me. If they don't come home on time from school I know there route and everything is within walking distance if you live in town? Your child has a friend who overdosed or has alcohol poisoning?
I believe in this situation you should be the only person with the phone calling to report your naughty teen as missing or calling out a parent whos hosting parents who host lose the most drugs are not equivalent to sex something all adult must do to procreate. If your still adamant about your child having a phone just keep this in mind Phones are a Privilege not a Necessity.
We lived without smartphones for thousands of years. These new ideas have only been around for about 20 years. I just believe parents who buy their kids a phone are thinking more about wanting to stay connected to their loved one which is noble but that can come with some big consequences. I was that teenager and luckily I know what my intentions were and I don't think your teens intentions are as noble as the parents. I have a tablet and a computer and I am I feel that I should have a phone but nothing crazy. My mom might get a new phone and she would give me her iPhone 6. To me the is a big deal.
What's the point? Anyway I expect them to have a contract but, if I could have a Instagram, Snapchat and tiktok that would be awesome but, would they let me? I installed tiktok but I didn't create an account and some 13ish girls showed them selves vaping. I consider my self to be mature but, if a 10 year old saw this they might look up those people and soner or later they will probably be vaping. Anyways if your going to get your kid an iPhone probably 13 or 14 for 6 or7 but if their asking for an eight or a Xwait till 16 and make them pay for part of it.
I'm writing to share what feels like an amazing success story for out family on the iPhone issue. It began last night when I spent several hours reading through the comments that have been posted here. I was facing a difficult decision whether to buy my daughter an iPhone, and the sincere thoughts, opinions, emotions, and detailed stories posted here by parents and especially the kids, was just what I needed to help me decide. I sincerely appreciate the time and effort you gave to post and help others understand this complicated issue, and thought the best way I could thank you was to share my story too.
Here was my situation: My 16 year old daughter's phone died three days ago. Since we long ago decided she needs a phone for safety reasons, a replacement had to happen quickly, but what kind of phone? Why did it have to be an iPhone? Why does it have to be the newest one? We're not rich. Think of all the other things we could spend the money on.. She "knew" we could afford it, she worked hard at school and sports, never got into trouble, and if she didn't get one , her life would be ruined.
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After 20 minutes of this we both retreated to regroup. She went to her room to cry, and I came here looking for answers : I need to give you some quick background here: In grade school we decided we wanted her to have some way to contact us in an emergency and got her a cheap flip phone. She was very responsible with it and made all A's that year, so she was able to talk us into adding an Ipod for Christmas.
In our town parents started to buy their kids iPhones in middle school. I thought spending that much money on a child's phone was nuts! I remember going to a birthday party at one of her 7th grade friends houses. The parents had just given the birthday girl the newest top of the line iPhone. It really disturbed me. Obviously she had no respect, appreciation or understanding of what her parents had just done for her. I decided then and there that buying a middle school age child a phone like that was not necessarily a good thing, and actually had the potential to teach them some pretty bad values.
I've watched this girl grow up and I'm sorry to say she's not turning out too well. Hope it changes. Anyway, we bought our daughter a low priced Android smart phone in 8th grade. It wasn't what she wanted, but she dealt with it. She's a good kid and I want her to be happy. Then her Grandfather, out of the blue, without asking or any warning, gave her a new iPhone 6 for her 14th birthday!
What could I say? No you can't have it, give it back? This time I was the one who had to just deal with it. I wasn't happy about it, but didn't say much. She knew how I felt, but of course was ecstatic with the phone. OK, this is the one that died 3 days ago.
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Last night reading all these posts, trying to decide what replacement phone she would get, I realized I had missed something important. I hadn't fully understood the social aspects of having not just a decent smartphone, but what owning an iPhone means for a teen in Some of the posts accused parents of not understanding what it was like to be a kid. The first one I read made me think "Yeah, sure, wrong! I was a teen too, I remember. But as I read more and more posts from kids, it really started to come back to me the pain I felt at times in middle and high school.
The one that really got through was from the 13 year old boy who wrote about being teased and used the word "brutal". It was weird, but suddenly I felt a physical pain in my chest like an echo coming back out of my past. I HAD forgotten. It really does HURT. Thanks for helping me remember and understand the situation better kid, you're a really good writer. OK, I had all your posts read, and had a much better feeling for where my daughter was coming from and also the different ways other teens and parents were handling this.
I realized there was no one "right" answer, and it was my job to figure out the best solution for my particular teen and family - I was ready for round 2 of the great iPhone battle. We had a snow day today, so while my daughter was sleeping late I got one more opinion, I called my Dad. He used to be a High School principal and worked in Education all his life and is very understanding and wise. After I explained everything and asked for his opinion, he shocked me.
Without hesitation he said "Get her the absolute best, newest iPhone and use it to bargain with to get everything out of it you possibly can". Holy Cow Dad! So not what I expected!! So, here's what happened As soon as she got up we started bargaining. She had no idea I'd ever even consider the es Max. She was totally sure her fate was going to be Android with a very slim glimmer of hope for maybe an iPhone 6. I wasn't sure about anything at this point either. She talked, I listened. I used quotes from you guys to help me field her arguments, show that I respected her point view, and to keep things positive.
I told her about the post from the brave high school boy who defended his choice of a non-iPhone when his friends criticized him by saying he'd paid for the phone himself, he stood by his decision, and he didn't care what they thought. That really impressed her. Together we explored all the pros and cons of getting an iPhone vs Android, peer pressure, the value of money, i message, face time, our family budget, cell phone addiction and a other things we'd needed to talk about for a while, not just phones.
We both got a little heated at times, but nothing serious. We started writing a contract. We started joking that it was like Trump bargaining with the Democrats for the wall. We started to have fun! I couldn't believe how positive the whole thing turned out. The contract ended up being two pages long! She wrote the whole thing and started adding things on her own I made out like a bandit. I can't share everything, some of it's too personal and would embarrass her, but some highlights - She is going to give the dogs baths and brush them every other weekend.
Instead of vacuuming the stairs which she hates, she'd much rather clean the bathrooms! Reasonable phone-free family times were agreed on. Evening phone-off times firmly set at 8 pm school nights, 11 pm Saturdays those had always been kind of vague She actually demanded we install the app so we can keep track of her at all times!
Officially decided phone care and anti-theft strategies. About 10 private family things that we've been squabbling about for years were settled. Never expected that one :!! We are both really happy, which I didn't think was possible yesterday. Good luck finding your own personal best solution. First of all if they want one maybe make them work for like good grades, do all chores,get homework done ect; Or maybe get them a handy down phone and see how they do. Remember that your children has to deal with struggles of not having a iPhone. This is a good way for your kid to keep in contact with friends and family.
With iPhones you have better restricted systems so you can moneter what your child is doing. I know it hurts people make fun of you for not having one and that is wrong. Also comfort your child when he or she is feeling sad for not having a IPhone and maybe tell them when they do get they will be happier and more great full for what they have. To all these whiny children, stop saying it deprives kids not getting an iPhone.
This very question has been a sore point between me and my parents up until about 8 days ago. I am considered gifted music, math, reading, latin, writing, science, problem-solving, coding, etc. So no, you are not depriving your children by not giving them a phone. However, like g11 the reviewer below me , I did have an iPod with restrictions that I could text on. That being said, in this day and age, not having access to the internet or to friends through a device would be depriving kids of the necessary social development that now occurs through text and email.
I'm 13 years old. Growing up I did not have an iPhone or any device for a long time. When I was 12 I was giving an iPhone 4 with no cellar which was great. My dad got it from a co-worker for free. My parents decided to give it to me because I got straight A's on my report card. I was very happy.
The only catch was that my parents did not trust me so they put plenty of restrictions. Which was not good because any time I tried to talk to a tutor, I lost contact at 9. Eventually, my phone broke and I got rid of it. By the time I went into 8th grade my parents still refused to get me a phone, even though I had very high grades. I was sad because I could not keep in contact with friends and I kinda was different from the crowd. During the summer before I decided to make some money from a gardening business I had.
Most things I have I buy with my own money, anyways I was phoneless for a while. One day though I was left at school till exactly Pst which sucked. I was sick of it. After that, my dad gave me his old iPhone 6 that had a lot of issues. I was still happy because a phone is a iphone. Only thing though was during school it would die very fast, so I could not call to check when I was getting picked up. I brought it to a store which said that the phone was trash. Apparently, the phone had an issue with the board so nothing could be fixed.
I was sick of having no phone for a while. When I arrived home and my parents say the phone they were amazed. They were super proud of me and said that they will pay for a cell plane. Of course, I was super i happy because this was the first time I had a real phone. Anyways they also said that the next phone, I get was gonna be on them. Anyways you should get your son or daughter a phone so they can talk to there teacher, you, , listen to an EAS warning and talk to there friends. Now you don't need to get them an unlimited plan, you could get them a simple 5gb plan.
Just make sure before you buy them the phone look at there grades. My friend even though he goes f's mainly with some d's he still got a phone XR, and his grades dropped back to f's, and he got held back. But its good to get your child a phone for multiple purposes. You could also do what I did and save money and buy a phone cash. Also, trust them and only put some restrictions. Note I used a grammar checker sorry if there are some broken parts I did my best I am 15 years old.
My parents never gave me a phone until I earned it. At the end of 5th grade, I received an award from the president for academics. My parents didn't want me to have a phone at that age so they bought me an iPod touch. I was very grateful. There was no monthly bill, I could text other Apple devices while connected to wifi, games could be downloaded, and I could easily access the internet.
I didn't have full control over my iPod, my mom had restrictions from the app store and safari. I had my iPod until the end of my 8th-grade year when I then received my second president's award for my academics. I was given the iPhone 8.
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I still had restrictions but at this point, my parents trusted me more so they were less strict. I do understand a phone is not something a child absolutely has to have but if you don't give your child an iPhone, from experience, it will be pretty rough on them. In middle school and high school that's the way kids stay in contact, we call each other for homework and make group plans. This day in age it would be very hard to have a lot of friends without a phone. In school kids can't talk to each other in class and when they get home they have no way of talking to their friends without a phone.
Having a phone is also very useful for staying in contact with parents. Personally, I wish my parents weren't so strict about the restrictions on my phone, I think parents should be able to trust their kids. I get straight A's and stay out of trouble and if your kid is like that they should be rewarded for that behavior. I do think ALL kids should have a phone by 6th grade and depending on the kid you could set up stricter settings. At that age I think kids need to be able to contact their parents at that age. Not giving your kid an iPhone is depriving them!!
I am 14 years old and I just got an iPhone XS Max this summer before my first day of my last year of middle school! Most kids in my elementary school already had iPhones in like fourth grade!! I had to wait like a million stupid years for one!!! I only had my dumb iPad Air 2 and if I brought it to class for work everyone else were using there iPhones!! I had to wait so long for a phone!! Parents are not kids! I think I could even do without my iPad. I worked for every phone I had.
I always ended up with a budget android phone because I didn't want to waste the money I made in one summer for a phone. This time that I have a better job on holidays I might buy an iPhone. Parents are not depriving their kids by not buying them an iPhone. If your kids think they are deprived then they should look at kids living in poverty in places like Africa or refugees coming from Afghanistan. They should consider themselves lucky to even have a phone in the first place. On the subject of owning an iPhone they are indeed expensive products that as a result should require a lot of care.
This person stated that their life was so hard as they had to use a low end budget Samsung Android Phone as punishment for loosing an iPhone 7. The iPhone 7 was and still is an expensive premium phone that would have burnt a massive hole in their parents wallet and they just go and loose it! Of course with Apple products you are paying for the label and the brand name. You can never substitute the value of human interaction with an electronic device something which I wish more people of my generation would understand.
Bare in mind this is coming from a tech enthusiast. If your kid needs a phone and your not comfortable with spending stupid amounts on an iPhone then buy them an Android phone. I have used a Samsung Galaxy J5 for 2 years before recently going iPhone. It is a budget Android device and I loved it. Though bare in mind that as a result of this openness Android is less secure so make sure you install some kind of Malware protection software and of course monitor your kids online safety.
Most kids want iPhones for the status symbol that owning one seems to have. As a result of this however your kids peers may use social features to interact with each other that are only available on iPhone such as iMessage group chat and FaceTime. This may be one of the main reasons as to why they want one. It is a small factor of why I bought one. Despite being a natural born tinkerer and Tech enthusiast that would more fit the profile of an Android user I bought an iPhone as I was curious to see what the other side was like and I can definitely see the appeal. They are faster and more intuitive then Android phones.
Make sure to install a cache cleaning app on Android phones to keep it running fast. Being a teenager I can completely understand why a kid would want an iPhone and how they would be feeling social pressure to get one. Poverty stricken people are deprived but not kids that have the privilege and the luck to own a phone in the first place.